.:Deliciously Motivated: The Diary of Arijah Ankh Khalid-Zyn:.

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January 7th, 2022
Usually...but sometimes

"Thursday cocoa spills on the carpet, no doubt from toppling off the scales of justice, and the large spot on the floor may have you feeling a bit defeated.
Cocoa reversed crossed by justice indicates that we are feeling a bit guilty for putting our needs first today. Creativity in reverse shows that when we are
feeling weighed down, we are less likely to be productive, and in turn...that can lead to the cycle of anxiety and resentment. If others are pushing and being
judgemental today, take time to get a breather and remind them that you are only human."

Cocoa indeed did spill, but it was more of an airing out or admitting some things that I was a bit hesitant about. To those who know me, it's no secret that
my senses are a bit "tweaked".

Years ago, admitting these things to anyone, especially those "in power", would cause a hell of a lot of repercussions. When you have small children, you can't
run around saying you can see ghosts, or auras and the like because "the services" would try to prove you unfit, and then once they had you between a rock and a
hard place, continue to make things harder.
Admitting these things to my therapist was a leap of faith. So, in essence, I spilled the cocoa (comfort) or purpose; in essence, staining my carpet with words
I can't take away. Justice has been especially active in my bubble for the past two days. First, regarding memories and old feelings of loss and betrayals of the past,
due to a screwed-up justice system and corrupt medical community, as well as some irritating new legislation that will no doubt affect home and cottage businesses.

Creativity in reverse reminds me that when I'm over-worked, I become mentally paralyzed, and as enticing as it is to do everything I want in a short amount of time,
the practice of doing so will lead me to destabilize any comfortable progress I have made. I did have a moment last night of "liminality" if you will. I found myself
in an uncomfortable state of in-between. due to certain elements reminding me of uncomfortable things. I caught myself before I tumbled further down the rabbit hole
of "what if?", once again. Even though I am wired a little different than some, I am still very human. I am in a place of personal limitation by choice.
I can voodooie the boundary way out there if I want to, but I don't have to prove anything to anyone. The whole "running out of time" thing will dance circles around
my psyche if I let it. I have a history of filling my plate too full to distract myself. I guess I have the habit of finding downtime a productive "loss".
I'm working on that. I'm a workaholic - addicted to my art. Sometimes it does indeed possess me.
Sometimes, it is challenging to draw a fine line between boon and benny.

Regarding the judgment suggested by the reading, I expected it to come from other people. Instead, it came from me. INFJ was on point yesterday, with my finger
pointed firmly inward. Judgments based on "what have I learned?", "How have I changed?", was on the scales against situations and actions from the past.
I weighed my own heart against the feather, and instead of damning myself, I was enlightened.

As for feelings of guilt, of course. I'm still working on that "servitude" thing.
"I am not a victim to circumstance. I am not prey." -not even to myself- and I have to remember that.

"Friday justice gets knocked off the table entirely, encircled by potions no doubt placed by Grub-Grub. Justice crossed by potions is here indicating that there
is some plan in effect that has to do with fair practice. Perhaps something from yesterday. GrubGrub reversed is very displeased with what's going on in the immediate
surroundings, indicating that there may be a pretty indecent imbalance. Someone may not have your best interests at heart, or something may just be out of sorts today
in regard to your surroundings. Stay alert."

The time is now 8:05 a.m., and I've been up since 3:30. I was sleeping ok in my bed, after telling the couch to fuck off until my back started to hurt, and then,
of course, I had to go pee. Jason got up with me, and we started the coffee pot to percle. So far, the conversation has been about new legislation effects, taxes,
and genealogy; with a splash of Aleister Crowley and Rosicrucianism for flavor. There have been a few beeps to alert us of low blood sugar and then the hopping
from one foot to the next to fix it -mixed and muddled with frustration from our daughter over the offending pancreas and necessity to "eat more".
That frustration is very real, especially when you're going on just over 3 hours of sleep and aren't hungry.
Think of it as an alarm clock that you can't hit snooze on...and if you do, you could die.

The "potions placed by Grub-Grub" thing indicates some fairly strong adversarial energies may be afoot. Grub-Grub is a much-loved nature spirit in our tradition.
He is an aspect of our connection within nature; kind of as the default lookout or fail-safe. When things swing out of balance, Grub-Grub shows up in reading in
reverse. Indications in this regard may be something close to home, or something not so close; Nevertheless, the indication is that there is something "foul at play".

Grubs in one of compassion, connection, and understanding: the "innocent" or "natural" state of being. When upright, Grubs is running toward you like a friend
wanting a hug. When reversed, Grubs is seen as running toward you in an act of protection; kind of like "watch out!". It's an indication that there is something
not quite right in the field and that protectives and wards are in play.
For the reading to suggest that Grubs has placed potions all around, is an indication that there is a call to action by using experiences and skills learned.

Potions call us to actively assert our power, majik, and energy into a situation to modify it, ward it away, or eliminate it.
Since Justice was the strong energy at the root of this situation, it does indeed have to do with legal issues, internal disputes, and what is perceived as
"fair" practice. For it to turn up in the cards, activating Grub-Grub in this way, means that isn't something simple or light... and at just 8:30 in the morning,
I'm a bit concerned about what it is indicating.

I'm fairly sure it's not something as simple as being aggravated over a new policy (even though it isn't "fair"), or a blood sugar situation
(even though it isn't "fair); But perhaps that is in my field of perception and how it is affecting me on a personal level today.
These are big issues -obviously worth their weight in my life- to warrant discussion, feeling, and action; but I'm curious as to this being "the thing" indicated.
Usually, the offending situation is pretty clear; but justice? Well, sometimes, justice concerns more than just laws and policy.
Sometimes, justice is more strongly indicated in our feelings of acceptance, need, and urgency.

"Someone may not have your best interests at heart, or something may just be out of sorts today in regard to your surroundings. Stay alert!"

It's still early. It's snowing.
Other than a little "extra" added to the early hours, all seems rather acceptable; of course, there's still a whole day yet to allow some emergence of fuckery,
so, we'll have to wait and see. In the meantime, doors and windows are locked, I've awakened the adult children afar with videos of our snow dustings, a fried potato
has been delivered to the low-sugar spirits, cats are well, we have heat and nothing seems potentially "out of sorts", but guards remain up.

Be safe out there today folks. Jack's sister, Frau Elsa, seems to be in a really bad mood.


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