.:Deliciously Motivated: The Diary of Arijah Ankh Khalid-Zyn:.

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January 5th, 2022
The First Week

Where I'm at today....hmmm, well, let's reflect on the weekly reading and certain present circumstances first, shall we?

When I flipped that first card for the weekly forecast reading, admittedly, I was in a bit of a hurry. I had a long busy day,
and it was later in the day then I had originally thought I would release the forecast. I was a bit tired. A bit...over-encumbered.

I have been feeling better and threw a huge project up on my plate, and with assistance and a lot of good input, set out to
organize and rebox everything that we currently have in cardboard boxes, into plastic totes.
If you're familiar with our situation, then you already know that we're currently staying in the basement at my parents house
to help them, and to give us time to build our own house across the street. Everything we own...is in boxes.

Those boxes are beginning to wear down because of constant shuffling them around and rummaging through their contents,
as well as cats using them as spring boards and resting nests; so, the long overdue need to restructure, heightened by me
being more mentally and physically comfortable, reigned in the new year.

Restructure. Organize. Clean.

Feeling much better doesn't mean that I didn't wear myself thin. It's a long road back from depression, and it does take it's toll;
a toll that requires a fair amount of slow and steady. It's a process that I think most people are currently going through as well.

That first card called me out. "Slow down and do this right" was what I read in the card. "Wow. They called my ass out", I thought,
and then took a deep cleansing breath, and began the process of focusing on each date, and then letting that energy move through me
into the cards. The next 7 readings fell out like a fever dream. The ups and downs of repeated cards and symbolism made me take pause
sometime on the reading for Wednesday. I had to give myself a minute because usually, I don't see this kind of bipolarity in my readings,
but there was no denying it...it was there -the week of confusion.

When all 7 days we're laid out in front of me, I entitled the reading "Bipolar Bunnies, Scales and Spilled Potions", because those were
the 3 elements that kept repeating in the reading:
Bunny upright, bunny reversed. Justice upright, justice reversed. Potions upright, potions reversed.
It looked like how I feel when I have a meltdown. "Oh, no" I thought. "Well, it is what it is, and there's no use in sugar coating it."

So, how have my first 2 days of the week resonated with the reading? Right on the money.
Considering I was feeling pretty great, albeit super busy, when I did the reading, there was no indication that things were looking *that*
severe...until last night.

The mood while we were out taking care of business was a bit...unhinged.
We saw it in people, their body language, their rudeness and irritation. Then we started seeing it reflected in ourselves. But...why?

Well, apparently while we slept and then went about our regular routines during the day, mask mandates, stress about new covid variants
and more mandates, along with the general malaise of the collective "had enough of this shit" took effect and then went into overdrive.

People in droves walked out of their jobs. Others gave attitudes to people who wore masks, and once again...here we are.

The entire time of this pandemic, we have all done the same things: we've worn masks, washed our hands, used organic hand sanitizers,
increased water intake, exercised more, got fresh air, yoga, meditation, ate healthier foods, cut back on caffeine and sugar,
maintained social distancing, avoided crowds and "in house" activites like movie theaters and dine-in restaurants, and wiped down
our plastic purchases. We haven't changed our personal practices since day 1 of this thing; but while we have done the same things,
others have fought the virus by getting mad at it and blaming each other. Now, on the heels of things looking better, here come the same
restrictions that set everyone's mood into borderline rage...again.

Day 1...
"Ghost in reverse indicates a that we are perhaps stuck on some aspects of past situations." No doubt, all of that early Covid sentiment.
"Sometimes, that weight is a bit much and can weigh us down, but sometimes it's the force that is necessary to move obstacles or pieces into
more desired positions. Key speaks of opportunity, especially in regard to the things we've learned in the past. Don't dwell.
Reflect on what has been learned, be motivated and move forward."
A bit of hope, and a reminder that all will be well, but to make use of the
things we've learned. Teaching and learning experiences.

Day 2...
"we haven't yet finished placing things where we want them to be. The process has begun, but we're still working on it. Crossed by Ing or Protection,
reminding us that we are still very vulnerable and are in need of taking things slowly and comfortably."
Well, damn if this wasn't my Tuesday in a nutshell.
Overwhelmed, somewhat. I did slow down my pace of cleaning.
I'm mixing up my time so I don't get overwhelmed or spend too much time doing one activity for the sake of my emotions and my bad back.

I didn't feel overwhelmed until I was out in public, masked up and couldn't get served at 2 drive-throughs, got cut off and a door practically slammed in my
face at the grocery store, erratic drivers and several very rude tellers at various markets.
All of this mixed with a few reminders of childhood traumas, PTSD came oozing to the surface, and it took me a good hour and a bit of tears and family
discussion to get me to the point where I could make dinner - and I needed help with that.

Yesterday ended up being the literal poster child for the day 2 reading.

So, here we are...Wednesday. I tossed and turned most of the night because I fell asleep on the couch and was doing that "I'm too hot/I'm too cold" shit
and got up at 2:30 a.m.
I'm out of decaf and have only regular coffee. Oh, joy. Now what? What does good ol' Wednesday's reading have to say?
"reversed potions from yesterday seem to have been almost necessary, as direction signals and fresh pumpkins are seen growing from the mess.
Again with reversed potions, indicating that we still may be pushing ourselves further or faster than we are ready for, but we need to know this."

Ok, considering all I've done is read a few noise(ahem, I mean news) articles and am currently on my first cup of fully caffeinated coffee, I have sat and
meditated on the fact that the realizations of my own "cause and effect" help me to understand situations a bit better.

"Careful not to bite off more than you can chew." Duly noted.

"What we once accepted, may not be where we choose to be now."
For me, this is in the knowing how to actively understand the facets of my PTSD.
"Direction is crossing, steadying the process by letting us know that we're going the right way, and to look for the progress in the process."
Yeeeesssss....oh yes. THAT. It's easy for me to get welled up by the fear of not moving forawrd that sometimes, it does become a bit paralyzing.
"Pumpkin is the growth that can be seen, and so far, all is looking well. Don't slack off, but rather continue a slow by steady process."
Very good. Slow and steady keeps things moving without getting overtaxed physically and emotionally. I do indeed see the progress, and in this regard,
it's the slow process of building our home. Covid price inflation along with lack of help and weather conditions have slowed our building process down immensely.
It is that situation that I often find myself combatting in my own psyche. The whole "omg, will I ever have my own home again?" fears rise up and taunt me.
I have to see the progress in the process.

Tomorrow's reading states "Cocoa reversed crossed by justice indicates that we are feeling a bit guilty for putting our needs first today."
Sounds like I'm going to need to find comfort tommorow; probably because today is full of a few high-impact activites that I need to do.
"If others are pushing and being judgemental today, take time to get a breather and remind them that you are only human."
Hmm. that could come from anywhere. *ducks and watches from the shadows*.

We'll see how it goes. I'll report back to let you know how the rest of the week pans out, and how close to the readings that it falls within.

How about you? How's the first week of the year treating you?

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